For advance bookings or general enquiries an email is fine, but please keep these concise and above all, relevant – don’t forget to tell me when you’re hoping to book and for how long! For same day or short notice appointments please call or text before 6pm.
If I don’t answer the phone it’s either before 9.30am, after 6.30pm or I’m busy – sorry! My autoreply will tell you when’s best to try again, and you can also email me via Adultwork if you don’t use a separate punting email or phone/SIM, although I strongly recommend that you do.
My UK mobile number is 07510 575903
My email address is email@example.com
If I miss your call I’m happy to respond to polite, specific text messages so we can sort out a time to make arrangements on the phone (I don’t use voicemail – please don’t leave voice messages); also bear in mind that ringing excessively over a short period will make you look nuts.
I will always meet you clean, fresh and well-groomed and expect the same from you (no stubble, strong aftershave or fragrance please).
If you’ve had a long day and not had time to shower, just say – you’re very welcome to use mine! Proper beards will always be very welcome too. I like them.
Please be punctual (and see here for why early is worse than late) and if you’re a little behind schedule, just keep me posted! If you need to cancel please let me know in good time – I don’t book appointments close together, but if I have waited more than ten minutes and not heard from you your number will be blacklisted.
If at any point you appear to be drunk or intoxicated, or behave in a violent, aggressive or threatening manner towards me I will end the appointment and you will have forfeited your right to either my company or a refund. There are plenty of ways we can both behave badly which are much more fun.
Above all, I expect to be treated with courtesy and respect at all times, and please be assured that I will do likewise.