how to have me!

For arranging bookings or general enquiries a text is perfect, but please keep these concise and above all, relevant – don’t forget to tell me when you’re hoping to book and for how long! For same day or short notice appointments please contact me before 6pm.

If you try to call instead and I don’t answer the phone it’s either before 10am, after 6pm or I’m busy – sorry! My autoreply will tell you when’s best to try again. You can also email me via Adultwork if you don’t use a separate punting phone/SIM (although I strongly recommend that you do), but I don’t check these often and you’ll still need to text/call me to book.

My UK mobile number is 07510 575903

If you prefer to call that’s fine, but I’m not often able to answer and again, I’m happy to respond to polite, specific text messages (I don’t use voicemail – please don’t leave voice messages). Do also bear in mind that ringing excessively over a short period will make you look nuts.

etiquette

I will always meet you clean, fresh and well-groomed and expect the same from you (no stubble, strong aftershave or fragrance please).

If you’ve had a long day and not had time to shower, just say – you’re very welcome to use mine! Proper beards will always be very welcome too. I like them.

Please be punctual (and see here for why early is worse than late) and if you’re a little behind schedule, just keep me posted! If you need to cancel please let me know in good time – I don’t book appointments close together, but if I have waited more than ten minutes and not heard from you your number will be blacklisted.

If at any point you appear to be drunk or intoxicated, or behave in a violent, aggressive or threatening manner towards me I will end the appointment and you will have forfeited your right to either my company or a refund. There are plenty of ways we can both behave badly which are much more fun.

Above all, I expect to be treated with courtesy and respect at all times, and please be assured that I will do likewise.