adore amy

no such thing as natural beauty…

Home safely once again, and whilst my trip away did indeed sadly lack any blistering girl on girl hot tub action out in the Leicestershire countryside, not to mention a complete dearth of improbably endowed pool attendants/masseuses/personal trainers to make up a load of salacious touting crap about on the Adultwork blog, I am feeling fabulously relaxed, thoroughly polished and scrubbed, and ready for just about anything (that is, apart from the telephone enquiry I have just received, which was notable only in that I have never before heard someone actually engage in conversation using text speak and I was instantly reminded of the old ‘f yu cn rd ths mssg’ posters on the Tube). Hmm.

My all-too-brief stay has included proper massages and facials (of the more fragrant/less messy, non-prossie kind, although the relative beneficial effects are probably too close to call), a luxury pedicure for the foot fans amongst us all, one excruciating dance fitness class (and a lovely yoga one) plus the chance to meet the Cardiff City football team who, inexplicably, happened to be using a training pitch and facilities in the heart of the East Midlands and delighted many of the resident ladies by strolling about the place in football shorts. I however, having been keen to avoid the busman’s holiday scenario, couldn’t have been less interested although the novelty of seeing Craig Bellamy behaving like a civilised adult was not lost on me and I have carefully noted the time and date for posterity.

I also met happily dressing gown-clad ladies of all ages, shapes and sizes, (reminding me not for the first time how wonderful people look when they get the chance to relax and enjoy themselves), spent over ten pounds on tea, sandwich, crisps and a bun at the relatively (for anyone who has ever been to Tibshelf) nicely appointed Woodall services and ate a plain chocolate Bounty for the first time in years because it was the first thing I saw in the garage shop on the way back. I have also learned my way around the Vibrogym, an intriguing piece of kit which appeared recently over the road and which I have not yet had a chance to roadtest. Apparently a full body workout can be had in fifteen minutes, although this does require actual effort rather than just reclining on the footplate eating Maltesers, and I would be lying if I didn’t admit to my interest waning slightly upon discovering this.

All good things have to come to an end and besides, the fantasies about roast potatoes had become far too strong to be ignored and I arrived back home yesterday evening to unbridled excitement from the fishes, a full inbox (anyone who tried to email while I was away, I was intending to reply daily – sorry) and a refrigerator containing nowhere near enough rubbish to be in any way satisfying, prompting a visit to the Dominos website and a very enjoyable undoing of three days’ virtuous and sensible dining, albeit fresh, tasty and beautifully presented. Sometimes, only the warm, starchy, fatty and salt-laden will do and having given in to the pull of the Tuesday 2 for 1 offer, I am today feeling thoroughly revitalised inside and out and very much back on the ball, after having had nothing more important to concern myself with than the pool temperature, whether my favourite Hildon fizzy water in my room would be replenished and the wafer thin plot of my guilty-pleasure trashy book since Saturday.

Returning to the real world, I have arranged my accommodation (and those who visited last time will remember it well) for London and will be arriving on Wedneday the 20th October for three nights – more culinary delights, fabulous fun and memory foam heaven for me! Having learned my lesson last time, I will be buying an open train ticket and will thus be able to return whenever I like, and catching up with some more long lost ladies will definitely be the order of the day. I am also pleased to report that Jersey is virtually booked up, with a couple of appointments left each day at most and the usual excitement of a first visit is starting to build already (not to mention the prospect of dining out for ten pounds each night for the duration). As ever, email for details – for Jersey in particular (being a slightly different proposition to other places)this is particularly important.

As for this week, I am busy all day tomorrow (and provisionally Saturday) and next week will be welcoming back a couple of long standing visitors as well as a much anticipated new face who has finally been able to synchronise diaries after almost two years of trying. Maybe I shouldn’t have had that Dominos after all…

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