adore amy

stranger in a strange land…

Following my recent brush with doom and subsequent recovery, I have this week been getting back on top of things and taking full advantage of my recent gym-joining, to the point that it became obvious that I was going to have to get kitted out with some backup exercising gear (or resign myself to having the washer on three times a day instead of once or twice). At the time of joining I possessed precisely one pair of stretchy jersey trousers, a couple of sporty-ish T-shirts and one sports bra (bought last year prior to my Champneys trip), a feat of engineering that Brunel himself would be proud of. I have said before that in the event of the holocaust I confidentally believe this robust device would be left completely unscathed, and once the dust had settled could be gainfully employed by the cockroaches to begin creating a new Government in (UK residents would be forgiven for thinking that this process had already begun).

I have never before visited a sports shop, but my regular forays to TK Maxx have often taken me past the large JJB store adjacent to it, and this seemed as good a place as any. A comprehensive list was made and the mission was on – I was tickled upon my arrival to note that the default way of gaining access to this bastion of physical fitness is by escalator, and had been secretly hoping for ropes, a climbing wall or at least a traditional staircase to complement the obligatory lift. Upon ascending to the shop floor, however, it quickly became reassuringly apparent that the majority of the other shoppers were as unfamiliar with physical exercise as I, although many, inexplicably, were already dressed in tracksuits despite there not being (to the best of my knowledge) a running track for at least a couple of miles – I may be new and naive, but it has never occurred to me to run my errands wearing a swimming costume.

I persevered (with the charming staff and 70% off sale acting as extra encouragement) and an hour or so later I was the proud owner of some smart jogging capris, flipflops for pool/sauna, gym socks and vests, a yoga mat and a nice red hoodie for afterwards as well as a backpack to keep it all in, along with my new ipod-holding armband, my waterproof washbag and bottles of antibacterial gel/athletes foot powder to alleviate my pathological fear of germs. Naturally by this stage I was far too worn out to even contemplate a visit to the gym to road test it all, so returned home for restorative Horlicks, tinned syrup pudding with Elmlea and a nice lie down; whilst a delightful and productive time was had, it was definitely more than enough for one day.

On to the coming days – I have already covered London availability (or lack of) next week, so I will not dwell, and the approaching weekend is largely booked up too; I have minimal availability between now and Monday but advance warning is the key. I know I sound like a broken record, but I have had a particularly trying day today of callers expecting me to be free at ridiculously short notice; whilst I appreciate that school holidays do often involve last minute windows appearing, it does not follow that I will be sitting expectantly at home in my undercrackers waiting for them and it is becoming tiresome, to say the least. By all means ring if you have to, but don’t sound incredulous/wounded/huffy when patiently and diplomatically told that the chances of you seeing me in half an hour are roughly equivalent to those of you pushing loose tapioca up Ben Nevis with a rubber fork.

My Jersey trip is now arranged and I will be planning the details and posting the ads shortly – as some of you will know, the Channel Islands are a slightly different proposition to the UK proper and stealth is key, but I am very much looking forward to my visit and am happy to say that the gentlemen of the island come very highly recommended.

Next stop, Waterloo!

Subscribe to blog feed.

Leave a Reply