adore amy

Fahrenheit EH1…

Well all good things have to come to an end, and I post once again from my corner of the 1900h East Coast service from the merciless, blistering heat and scorching sun of… Edinburgh. Now there’s a sentence you don’t write every day.

My travels this week began on Wednesday with the early train from Scarborough at half past six, and whilst still sleepy-eyed and disorientated  after a scant three hours sleep (I cannot honestly remember the last time I saw six am, but would be prepared to wager that it was very much as part of the final act rather than the prologue, although it does occasionally feature as an intermission when I am foolish enough to forget to put my mobiles on silent. My special ‘Adultwork’ phone, the 99p SIM card within being purchased specifically for the purpose of displaying my awaydays on the Tours section is kept permanently switched off, since without my paying to display the number the good people running the site have decreed that this information will not be visible). Staggering down to the railway station suitcase in hand at six in the morning was not just an unfamiliar, but a downright other-worldly experience, and had I been more awake I might have pondered the work of Aldous Huxley or Salvador Dali, but as I was not I instead fantasised tortuously and miserably about freshly laundered pyjamas, duvets, grapefruit Tropicana and boiled egg with cold butter-and-Marmite soldiers.

However, the grumbly bitterness soon dissipated, and looking forward as I was to seeing a bit of the hitherto unknown countryside north of Edinburgh the clear early sun won me over and the wild primroses, bluebells, lily of the valley, rabbits and even roe deer as well as an unexpected hot air balloon (strictly speaking not one of Nature’s wonders, but a charming sight nonetheless) even before arriving at York to change trains heartened me; by the time I arrived in Aberdeen some seven hours later I had added some fat black seals to my list, which almost made up for the woeful absence of the elusive Highland cow. I am told by those in the know that I would really have had to venture much further north for these, so definitely an adventure for another time! Wick, anyone?

Upon alighting at Aberdeen I was immediately delighted by the welcoming sight of lots of lovely strapping gentlemen in high visibility orange suits, each possessing a faint coating of fresh-looking sweat and desirably earthy black grime – the rigs are not far away and I was fortunate indeed to entertain some very pleasant company both oil and not-oil related during my visit. The city itself is far more welcoming and attractive than I had been led to expect with sparkly granite buildings, a fabulous art gallery currently exhibiting British (many local) artists’ work and friendly, helpful people plus the sun shone throughout – even the Grampian police have apparently found ways to amuse themselves other than harassing lone women in hotels, although even if I say it myself, my normal security measures were upped to frankly preposterous levels pre-visit and I am likely to owe a few apologies to those who were necessarily but regrettably turned away. That said, if among those keen and determined enquiries (regarding my location in particular) I can number some sneaky communication with that underhanded and mischief-making constabulary, then at this juncture may I cordially invite you to go and fuck yourselves. One nil to me, I think.

Having enjoyed Aberdeen immensely, I have promised myself to return and moved on to Edinburgh yesterday morning for hi-jinks both work-related and not. I was relieved to have been able to secure a large room at a very central and desirably located hotel, only to find upon arriving that my search for said room’s temperature control was fruitless since, incredibly, there was no air conditioning. Given that the outside temperature was approximating that of a Greek island a Plan B was sought, and my afternoon visitor arrived to the sight and sound of a large desk fan propped on the table, a necessary addition given that any physical activity without it’s restorative presence would have quite possibly required a trip to the hospital for professional rehydration and cooling treatment.

The situation did not improve by bedtime when following my usual trip to the pictures (two nights in a row – yay!) the temperature was such that I had to leave the thing on all night in order to get any sleep at all, despite my vainest efforts to aim it at the precise spot I was occupying. That said, today (and see pictures, apart from the Tunnocks caramel wafers which were kindly provided in Aberdeen) has been akin to a holiday, with alfresco drinking, shopping (albeit emergency, mainly because my suitcase contained nothing very suitable for a heatwave) and finally, conveyor belt sushi prior to my train, the endlessly captivating and excitingly limitless procession of tiny food on multicoloured plastic plates being a long-held favourite treat of mine.  And so at seven pm,  resplendent with pinkly stinging shoulders, cheap jewelled flipflops and a belly full of chilli squid and beef tataki I waved goodbye to friends and punters once again until September, when I propose to arrive properly equipped for any weather and thus back on top form.

To this week: I do have some availability left, but not a great deal so email for details, please; the number of callers expecting me to press an imaginary pause button and briskly dash to attend to them there and then is back up to infuriating levels and I am fast approaching the stage where I do not even switch the thing on apart from when confirming appointments first thing in the morning. Monday is definitely out, likewise most of Wednesday but I may be around at the weekend for a change. London is filling up fast – again, the Monday is booked solid and the Sunday and Tuesday have very limited appointments left. Must be the weather…

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