adore amy

oh flower of Scotland…

Unsavoury though it is, necessary Serious Business first; readers north of the border may well be aware of these possible developments already, but for those others whom (like me) generally concern themselves with matters of food, sex, money, everything else in that order, it is my duty this week to point out that the desirably efficient and complication-free interweaving of the middle two is likely to become rather less so should some new amendments to the previously-minding-it’s-own-business Criminal Justice and Licensing Bill be accepted.

Thanks to the decidedly sanctimonious MSP Trish Godman’s ‘slide it under the door at the last minute and see if anyone notices’  variety of policy making, the changes as they currently stand would mean some considerable upheaval for those currently punting and prossying happily in Scotland, and it does not take a genius to work out that the outcome will be carefully watched by the abolitionist lobby in the rest of the UK. In the event that Ms Godman’s amendments go through, in plain English and without pasting the whole sorry screed here, this is what it will mean in practice. It will still be legal to work as a prostitute and sell sexual services in Scotland, just as it is in the rest of the UK and always has been. However, it will be illegal to pay for sexual services, and it will be illegal to advertise sexual services for money – this will firstly mean newspaper advertising, but is intended to extend to the Internet.

Ms Godman’s proposals in full can be viewed here.

You get the idea.  It doesn’t take Nostradamus to predict what would happen to pubs if buying alcohol was made illegal, however legal it was to sell it. So incensed was I by this patronising, ill-informed drivel that along with other interested parties I have made written objection to the Scottish Justice Commitee here (and against my better judgement also here; those who are used to my usual rambly syntax will quickly notice that my original 300 words have been dramatically edited, and not by me), and I urge readers to do likewise. ‘Minor amendments’ such as this are not required to forego detailed scrutiny and this legislation could literally be slipped through in a matter of minutes. I do of course realise how tedious any form of earnest political drum-banging is, and whilst I ordinarily prefer to keep it out of my little writing space as much as possible, the very real prospect of I and others losing our livelihoods is enough to inspire at least a small effort from me and I hope you too. Thus anyone with similar objections has still got time to email the Scottish Justice Committee at justice.committee@scottish.parliament.uk.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, it seems that overall mood and demeanour has improved along with the delightful weather and I have been fortunate to enjoy some charming company this week; this will unexpectedly be lasting into the weekend as my Champneys trip has been unavoidably postponed, and thus the exercise, fuss and pampering will need to come from elsewhere for now. The spring sunshine and as yet lack of tourists is making this a not-unattractive prospect and whilst (as ever) I will not be available either in the middle of the night, at twenty minutes notice or memorably, for ‘oral-and-a-wank-how-much’, serious callers are very welcome to make arrangements in the usual way.

This week’s new techy-toy which has captured my attention to an embarrassing degree is the addition of our town to the much-debated Google Street View; having wandered about the neighbourhood and viewed everything I can think of (albeit in an at-least 18 month old version) this will hopefully be a Godsend to those who visit me from outside the area, and also for me on quiet evenings, given that I do not watch much television. Be assured that the relevant street, parking and a nice view of  the sea are all easily had! In fact, so much time was spent looking up virtually every pub/house/street I have regularly set foot in (and longer-standing visitors will remember the excitement of the first time trying to locate my previous abode on the opposite side of town) I almost forgot lunchtime, a monumental event which has not occurred since I first found out about Tetris.

Availability for my London trip is virtually gone – odd windows left only apart from Thursday 8th when I have an entirely free afternoon. Next dates are being planned as we speak and will involve a location change for the summer; as much as I like my Pimlico digs, their lack of air-conditioning renders them an impractical choice for the warmer months and I am open to suggestions as to the next of the boroughs to grace for a few days! I will certainly be down, purse in hand, to visit the RA Summer Exhibition as usual sometime in June, so anyone who has missed out this time is welcome to enjoy a lazy sunny afternoon next time – Pimms optional, but after last year, aircon obligatory…

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